why can’t I stop fucking eating?
I want to have a friend who’s house I can go to and we can sit and smoke and have deep conversations all day when I feel sad.
I’m in a lot of pain because I just re opened a cut from last night and it really hurts. and I just want to die I just want to find the perfect way because I can’t stand to fail again. I think the worst part of failing an attempt is not that I am still alive because that I can put up with but its the feeling of pure and utter self hatred for proving to myself yet again that I even fail at dying. Nicola keeps trying to cheer me up and I love her to death but how do you explain to someone that I deserve to feel pain because I can’t stop fucking eating and I am huge. Yet again another failure, failure to stop eating.
dear mum.
you have never noticed when anything has been wrong with me. I don’t blame you for that I understand that you are busy and you don’t want to believe that anything is wrong with your daughter you played me the song yesterday that I’m named after and I wanted to cry i was lovely and I would appreciate if you played that for my funeral. I don’t want you to be sad though because I love you. I love you so much and I could never have told you how I’m feeling because its too hard I couldn’t sit in front of you and explain that I want to die because I wouldn’t want to upset you. Look after yourself okay? for me just look after yourself! yet again I love you and I’m sorry I couldn’t say goodbye in some proper way!
(via h-o-m-i-c-i-d-a-l)
(Source: alternativelie, via liikeducks)
I loved meeting satanic-s-e-x but meeting new people and pretending to be happy while I know everyone probably hated me was one of the hardest things I have ever done.
I look like shit but please if anyone ever needs to talk about anything don’t hesitate to come to my ask I’m not going to judge you about anything!
(Source: evasion-folie, via evasion-folie)
so I am now actually classed as overweight. I must lose weight.
hey willow if you are reading this it means that either you found my blog and password in that case you are a sneaky little bitch or that I’m dead. If its the latter then I am sorry. I’m sorry that I’m a prick and useless and that I gave up because I know that you would never give up on me but I’m so sick of this. Obviously You know that I love you so its a waste of time telling you that but you probably don’t know that the only reason I carried on so long was for you. I’ve never wanted to see you upset and when I see you sad or when you hurt yourself it breaks my I heart. I don’t want you to be upset that I’m gone. I know that you have always said you wouldn’t be able to handle it but I’m sure that You’ll make it through. Remember that time that you said if I ever killed myself you would slit your wrists on my grave please don’t do that? If you are going to do anything on my grave I want you to write because I know how happy writing makes you. its 5.35 in the morning everyone is asleep and you are in spain or fucking italy or some shit like that. I miss you like crazy but I know you’ll be having a great time. Look after my mum for me I know that sounds stupid but even though most of the time I hate her I care about her.
I’m so so sorry I left you willow so please look after yourself be happy :D and if you ever have a daughter you know who to name her after eh? or you can name her after a tree :P Just us silly little cunt the flower and the tree! one day you will grow old and no one will even remember who I am. So do me a favour and remember me okay?
